Show your reader what your protagonist sees.
Last night, when I resumed reading the detective story, I didn’t expect a lesson in the craft of fiction. But two-thirds through her tale, Australian novelist Kerry Greenwood offered a great example for writers who want to evoke emotion.
In chapter 9 of Flying Too High, set in 1928 Melbourne, private detective Phryne Fisher visits the room of a kidnapped six-year-old and looks deeply at Candida’s teddy bear.
She held up Bear and looked at him. He had been a proper golden plush Pooh-bear at one stage in his life, but he had been extravagantly loved for some years since then, and he was a little battered. One of his ears had been re-stitched, and his joints were loose. His squeaker no longer worked and the repairs to his face after some childish accident had given him a lop-sided grin. He was a Bear of great, if raffish, charm and Phryne could understand why Candida relied on his company and counsel. This might be a Bear of little brain, but even his furry body had been moulded, by the hugs of years, to fit Candida’s embrace. Phryne gave Bear a brief squeeze and tucked him under her arm.
Greenwood doesn’t tell readers how they should feel about the girl or the kidnapping. She lets us experience this episode through Phryne Fisher’s senses and trusts us to get it.
Want your readers to care? Emotions lie in the details.
